Harry Potter and The Woman in Black
by TheBrainGame
Summary: Harry Potter meets The Woman in Black


After Hogwarts burned down Harry married Ginny because he knocked her up. Ginny died giving birth to their child. Harry couldn't bare to live in the magical world anymore or see any of the weasley family so he packed up their child and moved to the muggle world. Harry also invested in some contracts and a really impressive way to cover his scar. 4 years later Harry Potter went to some hotel to try and ditch their ginger child for a few days. Harry found out it was haunted by the woman in the black. The Woman in black ended up being Umbridge's ghost and instead of using his wand which he broke and threw off a cliff he decided to research the ghost and try and play the role of Sherlock Holmes. Sherlock Holmes didn't like this idea and made his own movie that was 100000x better. Sherlock Holmes also had a sequel... Harry's quest ended after he fought the woman in black. Harry obviously doesn't cope with sadness like normal people and buy a cat. Anyway he meets some fat guy that could be Peter Petigrews cousin or something and meets his wife and his wife is insane and thinks her dogs are her children. She carves into the table and Effie from the hunger games screams THAT IS MAHOGANY! Then her husband uses chloroform on her to knock her out. Harry reads all of the crazy ladies mail and doesn't give one thought about how that's an invasion of privacy. Umbrige's ghost angers dogs not only centaurs and likes to watch Harry while he sleeps. Harry Potter's career as the next Sherlock Holmes isn't going well so he decides to take a walk through this dark hallway to clear his thoughts with every step the floor boards creek and he can hear banging behind a door like someones getting it on on a bed and having a really good time the bed is creaking and banging against the floor Harry gets mad because he hasn't had sex since Ginny died so he tries to break in to stop them and ruin all their fun the door is locked so he grabs an axe to bust the door down. He holds the candle in front of him so he can see what he's doing. The door is magically open and he sees a rocking chair rocking and is all like da hell? I thought people were banging in here I was going to cock block them like when I used to cockblock Ron and Hermoine. Angry Harry goes into another room and starts ripping off the wall paper because there isn't a water bottle he can tear the label off of to ease his sexual frustration. He finds a message on the wall that says "you could have saved him" and thinks does it mean Fred? or Lupin? maybe Sirius? Harry decides to think nothing of it and looks out the window to watch the rain where he sees a zombie come out from the ground he puts his hand on the window and Umbridge's ghost screams at him. The dog he decided to nickname Siruis is barking at the door so he goes to investigate and screams WHOSE THERE? like that ever stops the serial killer or ghost. He opens the door and runs out into the rain ruining his nice suit he sees a bunch of zombie children and horrified at the site so he backs into the house and slams the door nearly peeing his pants but then he thinks no one would see if I wet my pants my clothes are soaked from the rain. He follows zombie footprints that have magically appeared upstairs and brings his trusty candle because he's a dumby who should have kept his wand. He goes back to the room with the rocking chair and looks at the creepy doll that reminds him of umbridges face. The room is destroyed just like his sex life. He sees Umbridge's ghost hand herself and drops his candle CRAP THE CANDLE WENT OUT so he grabs a match to light it and Umbridge plays tricks on his again by showing her face melting. He should have listened to her and stopped lying. The fact that he's trying to live as a muggle is really ticking her off. He watches a bed give birth to some creature clearly Harry is too good for this miracle of life. Beds don't give birth to zombies every day. His fat friend comes to the door and takes him for a drive in his car and Harry tells him about the things that happened and the tubby doesn't believe him. They drive past a house burning and Harry is like I GOT THIS IM A WIZARD I MEAN IM SHERLOCK HOLMES and runs into the burning house to save whoever this girl named Lily is because his mothers name is Lily so he figures he has to save her. He sees Umbridges ghost in the house and Umbridge makes Lily burn herself to death and Harry is too stupid to leave the house right away and watches for too long then leaves the house. He starts bawling like he did after Cedric died and watches everyone cry over Lily's death in the fire. Harry goes home and washes the ash off his face and hands. Harry then starts drinking with his fat friend and the fatty tells him about his life and Harry doesn't give a crap and instead spaces out and thinks how Umbridge's ghost is kind of like Samara from the ring. Then he goes and sees some really old lady and she's all like YOU'VE SEEN UMBRIDGE'S GHOST HAVEN'T YOU and warns him that she's going to kill children because they killed her son so she takes everyone elses children and Harry is all like UMBRIDGE HAD A SON WHO WOULD MATE WITH UMBRIDGE? Harry yells at his fat friend for not beliving in Umbridges ghost and decides to convince fatty to help him help Umbridge and tries to find the body of her lost son in the marsh. Harry starts crawling around in the marsh looking for a body and nearly drowns. He finds a boat and tubby uses his car to pull them both out of the marsh. Because Harry cheats death many times in his life and this would be like the third or forth time. The body of her son was in the boat and Harry has to shower and clean himself again because he's always getting dirty. He convinces Tubby that he has to take the body to Umbridge's ghost and re-unite them so they can be at peace. Somehow this kid has been in the marsh for years and isn't a skeleton how this happened is a mystery... he shouldn't even have hair like really why does he have hair? Harry puts the the son of Umbridge on a bed with some voodoo cards and a rosary and thinks why did I ever get rid of my wand? I mean I had the elder wand I could have defeated this paranormal activity with it. He winds up all the toys and tries to summon Umbridge's ghost that way it doesn't seem to be working. Tubby sees his son Nicholas and gets distracted and follows him to a room where his kid locks him inside and shows him what Zombies can do. Back to Harry he's waiting with all the creepy wind up toys for Umbridge to show herself when really she's making him sweat. After what seems like hours she starts rocking the rocking chair and Harry is like bring it umbridge i'm done lying. Umbridge screams and vanishes like a crazy woman. Tubby somehow gets out of the room he was locked into and comes to see Harry and Harry is like I think Umbridge is gone. But is she really? So Harry and Tubby start ripping open coffins and finally this dead person has the decency to be a skeleton. So they put the dead child inside the tomb with the skeleton and bury them back up and drive off. They go to the train platform and his son gets off the train and Umbridge decides he's going to take little Albus Severus potter by making him jump infront of an oncomming train Harry Potter jumps infront of the train to save his son and they both get run over I kid Harry can't die. But really he died and now him and Albus are forever lost and damned souls. They meet Ginny in the after life and are reunited and happy and no one in the muggle town even knew that he was Harry Potter or who Harry Potter even was. The End.


End file.
